Carebear

Sometimes God Turns you the Opposite direction . As he will for me August 19th . My Job is ending and back to DORs and job hunting again . tbh I hate it . what I wanted was for my job  to be permanent . I wanted to find a business where finally some one would accept for who  I was . but I have to accept that the offer wasn' t permanent ; instead it was an opportunity to prove my self and Survive on my own . Thus I have . I found parts  of me I didn't know were in me . I was able to function in concert with people who are not disabled  at all  and I was able to  help run a business and earn my own money .To be honest , I never felt like I fully belonged - physically challenged ; usually short statured , ADD ; its all a place I did nothing to deserve or entitle.   however I worked  hard to get there . Hopefully this " turning the tables " is the experience I need for the next step in the journey and find a blessing in defeat  .

This pAst visit with chef Justin didn't go as well as I'd hoped . I didn't say more than shake his hand and " Hi Sir ! " I wish I could have explained to him that he inspired all of this - the opportunity I have to be whomever I want to be ( see Arc blog 5 ) . I don'tknow  why I can't bring myself to do it . The reason I think why is that we will both  get too emotional . Just like the night we first met when I had him sign him and Alton's picture from his food network star finale . That was turning point in my life as is every night I see him . Every visit reaffirms the I can be whom I want , I can do business and promote in any I choose . My dreAm is to promote him some day and give him the James Beard excellence in culinary arts award . I've dreamed about it already sighting cousin Jimmy Robey as the person at my side flying with me and being the most caring assist as maybe mom or dad wouldn't be around to be able to . It's most beautifu...

ARC Blog 10 Paying attention .  August 22nd, 17:17 Another struggle with my disability is that I sometimes make mistakes with accuracy and paying attention . It is so important when one is expected to be responsible with their work , their family and other responsibilities and commitments . I'm not the first say that modern technology has spoiled us in that computers can spell check , recognize usernames and passwords , lock accounts when login attempts have failed to protect our privacy , and many other frustrations in our everyday life . Ive struggled with this aspect of my disability all my life . I have to make note of everything and keep trying to remember . Repetition is key . If you practice and learn from your mistakes, you will be all right .It is hard to believe that though . One mistake can set a mood for the rest of your day . My new job has put new pressure on me I haven't felt before . I know how important get everything right is to any line of work , but espe...

I begin this entry with inspiring advice from my aunt : " Trust in God's plan . We don't always understand at the time why things happen, but Faith sees us through til the day we do. God has a plan for you and it will be revealed according to his schedule, not ours."  My Aunt Patricia always has been so positive an inspiring . Family and friends have always been my shield . Without them, I wouldn't have the physical and emotional support a human being needs to keep going . Faith has always been difficult for me to have . If a person has too much faith and confidence , they are seen as cocky and egotistical ; but if we doubt , we are thought of as weak and negative . The trick is finding the balance between faith, doubt , confidence and fear . I struggle to find that balance every day . I try so hard and then think its not worth it because I've been rejected so many times before . I find that if I keep trying through , I give myself the chance improve . But for...

Stuttering  has always been a disability of mine . It's  a part of my cerebral palsy  that  is my inability  to speak clearly . but I've never let this  short - coming stop from talking . I have an extensive mental vocabulary to communicate with others  and I love using huge , complicated words . All  of my school presentations were a challenge , but I didn't use my disability as an excuse to get exempt  from them I simply adapted the presentations to only present for the teacher to make me feel for comfortable  . I even passed college public  speaking , where we were expected to write a speech every week . I never felt afraid  to speak in front of class or in public . I have learned how to ignore the fear of what people will think of me . My most successful were my 3 college Business presentations - Ethics , Management - Senior Cap Stone ,  and New Venture . All of them counted for half my final grade .  This was ser...

There's many pieces of advice I'd like to tell to my younger self . First being don't be afraid to be your own person in the shadow of your mom . I spent too much of my life before now in fear of my mom's negativity and disappointment that I forgot to be happy . Only since I turned 30 and started working did I begin to live to be happy . And I'd tell her that the answer no doesn't mean the world is going to end .  The word No is hard to accept . It can demolish our dreams of having a job and being self sufficient ; It can mean we don't get the financial assistance for food, health insurance, and mobility devices we need to improve our health. When we are children , our Parents maybe trying to do what is best for us but saying no. In Samuel 3:13 , God reminds us that word no has the power to give us restraint us and to protect from bad things- like judging and breaking the law .  I've been told no in many situations when I wanted so desperately the answe...

As an individual with a disability , I've  had accept and deal with awkward social situations .  Having Cerebral Palsy without the use of a wheelchair and being of short stature would make a person   one of the most unique people  in the classroom . I was in special education classes until 5th  grade when my instructor realized I was missing out on using my mental talents . Ms . Lisa Sodee saw something in me that prompted her to advance me in to regular mainstream classes . These classes was a challenge for me socially and academically .  My fellow  students were not disabled at all .  My 5th grade history teacher expected me to keep  up  with homework at the same  time as the rest of the class . My favorite school  subject prior to college was social  studies ,  so  it seemed like a great fit . I received the privilege to associate with gifted and talented students .  The time of transition gave me a new p...